In the aftermath of a relationship ending, the common wisdom often suggests that the best way to move on is to quickly find a new partner. The old adage of “the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else” has become deeply ingrained in our societal psyche. But is this truly the healthiest path forward?
To explore this question, I reached out to London-based dating coach Hailie Quinn to gain her expert insights on the matter. Hailie’s response challenged the conventional wisdom, shedding light on why resilience may actually be a smarter approach than a rebound relationship.
Hailie first addressed the notion that jumping into a new romantic entanglement can help us forget our ex-partners. “The best way to forget someone…” she began, “is not to immediately seek solace in the arms of a new person.” Hailie explained that this rebound behavior can actually make us miss our former partners even more, rather than helping us move on.
This sentiment is supported by a 2014 study conducted by Samantha Joel and others, which found that rebound relationships without any emotional investment can actually make people feel more reliant on their ex-partners, rather than less.
However, Hailie acknowledged that a “rewarding rebound relationship” can gradually replace the previous one in our lives. But she emphasized that communication is the key, advising that we need to be upfront about our intentions and expectations.
“If you are ready to start a new chapter,” Hailie suggested, “make sure to convey what you want.” This could involve stating that you’re simply looking for new experiences or that you can only offer a certain level of emotional investment. By being transparent, you can find partners who are seeking the same thing, without the risk of leading someone on.
Interestingly, Hailie cautioned against the temptation to rekindle a casual relationship with an ex-partner. While it may seem like an easy solution, she warned that this could be unwise, as it may be an attempt to re-establish the previous relationship, rather than truly moving forward.
“Ironically,” Hailie noted, “it is this newly discovered confidence that may change the former’s mind. But I hope to focus on the future.”
The underlying message here is that resilience and self-awareness may be a smarter path after a breakup than a hasty rebound. By taking the time to process our emotions, communicate our needs, and focus on our own growth, we can position ourselves for a healthier and more fulfilling future, rather than simply trying to fill the void left by a past relationship.
So, if you find yourself navigating the aftermath of a breakup, consider embracing resilience as a more sustainable approach. With patience, self-reflection, and honest communication, you may just discover that the path to healing and moving on is more rewarding than the quick fix of a rebound.